Note: I was hesitant to write this page, because I always felt one shouldn’t talk about oneself. But a coach showed me how this can be a form of false humility by the ego.
Ultimately I decided to write this section because I have some strong beliefs about spirituality / meditation, and I wanted to explain why. .
My Meditation Start and Getting Stuck in the Golden Prison
I started meditating when I was 20, around 2002, due to an extremely stressful situation. For the next few years, I did light meditation, mainly religious type. By 2005 I had “progressed” to more psychic phenomena– energy healing, astral travel, psychic vision etc. I made some progress but I never felt peaceful. I was inside a golden prison.
Things came to a head in 2011 when I was in a dead end job I couldn’t quit because they were sponsoring my visa. I blamed God for this and quit meditation and my religious practices completely.
The Spiritual Desert and the Oasis of Awakening
The next 6 years were spent in the Spiritual Desert. I felt lost and empty, both in my spiritual and material life. I kept being called back to the spiritual life, though I felt lost in the desert.
2017 was the year the whole world changed for me: I was made redundant, the company screwed me out of severance pay, no recruiter was returning my calls. And I had a little baby. And worried about making rent I would apply for jobs in the mornings and sit by the phone in the afternoon. One such afternoon, after my wife and baby went to sleep, I just sat on the floor and started crying. I had hit rock bottom, there was nowhere to go.
I started crying, “If only I had more money, all my problems would go away”
As I was crying, a white light entered and filled the room. It spoke to me
“Is this true, Shantnu? Would money solve all your problems?”
I was too shocked to reply. The voice continued. “I will give you a chance. I don’t normally break the rules of my Universe, but I will for you. If you say money will fix all your problems, I will give you a million pounds. You can even lie to me, I will believe you and give you the money.”
But in front of the Light, I couldn’t lie. The Light was Truth, and nothing Untruthful could be said. “No,” I said, “money won’t make me happy. Not even a million pounds. I would find another reason to be miserable.”
“Where does the suffering come from?” the Light asked me.
“I create it,” I said. “I keep looking for problems in the outer world, so I don’t have to look inside.”
The Light showed me a vision. There was a small baby, very ugly, cut, bruised and bleeding all over. “Who did that?” I asked in shock.
“You did,” said the Light. “That baby is you. And not just you. Look around.”
I did and saw millions of babies like that– all in pain. “Why don’t you help them!” I cried.
“I want to, but they won’t let me. Just like you won’t let me. I cannot heal you if you do not let me. The Light can heal all your problems, but you must consciously and willingly open up to it.”
“What do I do?” I asked.
“You need to trust me. And let me do the healing. That’s all that is required from you– to relax and let the Light of the Universe heal you.”
I felt a great peace after that. I can still talk to that Light anytime I want now– I call it the Inner Teacher, our connection to God (or the Spirit, if you don’t like that term).
Growing with the Inner Teacher
The next few years, I asked the Teacher for guidance for everything– and not just spiritual stuff. Which house to buy, when to change my job, even how to deal with petty neighbours! The Teacher’s voice is always calm and peaceful– and makes me peaceful as well, no matter how angry or irritated I am.
I have tried to teach what the Teacher taught me multiple times– I have built and abandoned 3 websites and 2 Youtube channels. Some I abandoned because I felt I wasn’t good enough– “I’m not enlightened, so who I am to teach!” Others I abandoned because I didn’t know what to teach– All my progress was due to the Inner Teacher.
Sure, I practised many techniques for the next few years. BUT, and it’s a big but, all these things only worked because the state of Grace I was in. None of these things would have worked on me in my Desert years of 2011-2017
But there is no easy way to teach about the Inner Teacher– like the Light told me, it helps everyone and indeed TALKS to everyone; just most people can’t or won’t listen.
After some encouragement from human and spiritual teachers, I am trying again, for the Nth time. This website/blog is my attempt to teach what my Inner Teacher taught me.
Who am I to teach anyone?
I asked myself this question and came up with one BIG answer: Because I have bled all over the spiritual and material world. Unlike the Gurus of stories, I did not go up the Himalayas and come down all enlightened. The Light showed me the Way, but it did not walk the Way for me (though it was with me all the time). It’s like you are lost in the dark, when a bright thunder lights up your path and shows you the way to the top of the mountain. But you still have to walk up that mountain.
And so, my progress is one filled with sweat and blood. Every drop of wisdom or peace has had to be fought for (true, with my own ego, but boy does my ego know how to fight)
Plus, unlike most Gurus/teachers, I do not believe in reaching some perfect Nirvana/Moksha state. The goal always has been to live in the world and prosper here. The material world is equal, not inferior, to the spiritual world. Meditation is a tool; it is like salt in that it adds flavour to life but is not the goal of life.
Can I help you?
I am not a World Teacher™, nor am I here to Save Humanity & Bring World Peace™. I can only help a few people whose beliefs/energy resonate with me:
- I believe in a Higher Force that guides us– you don’t have to call it God, but you do have to believe in something bigger than yourself.
- I am Spiritual but not religious. I do not subscribe to any one religion though I have read the teachings of many.
- I believe the material world is as important as the spiritual; that there is nothing spiritual about being poor or struggling. That one should aim for both material and spiritual abundance.
If you resonate with the above, you will find my teachings useful.
Why I created this site: This site was created due to dissatisfaction with most spiritual advice. I find most spiritual advice is either too shallow (Just think positive thoughts, man!) or too other worldly (The world is an illusion! There is nothing to do, you are already enlightened!)
Read more about my thoughts about this in a long-ish article: The Dark Path